I take comfort in the fact that most people, men included, are never fully satisfied with their looks. Even (especially?) celebrities feel a surge of insecurity despite a public who tells them how beautiful they are. So for the record, I would be completely happy with my looks if I were 1) two inches taller. 2) 10 pounds more muscular. 3) really tan.

Suddenly, a thought so shattering yet inexorable makes me feel sick. Somewhere, some people might actually be fully satisfied with their looks. Not in a Jerry Springer I'm-fat-and-it's-beautiful kind of way, but in an I-know-I'm-flawless-and-I-have-nothing-to-improve-upon kind of way. I hate those people. And they're always two inches taller, 10 pounds more muscular, and really tan.