There's a new girl in my life. My dog, Sami, a two-year-old chocolate Lab retriever. She follows me wherever I go, brings me random objects from around the house, and wags her tail any time I enter the same room. She's not afraid to show her love for me.

As for inquiries into my love life (more specifically -- the person occupying it), I like girls who have a cold streak. Not a put-upon cold streak like most of the girls I met in college, but a genuine indifference to the rest of humanity (something we can share in common). Sweet girls don't stand a chance with me. Neither do boring girls. And co-dependent girls can forget even friendship. I need a determined, manipulative and fully independent female with no levels of fakeness (shallowness is fine). Oh, and I like them skinny, big-busted, with a perfect complexion, and with sexy lips. So when I meet that rare girl who sparks my interest, I fixate on her.

Some of my friends think I'm attracted to that type because I'm equally shallow. Other friends (and most family members) think I go for the ice queen because it's so different from me. I like to think it's a combination of the two. I know I can be a bastard, but I hope I'm a sweet and sensitive bastard.