What an awe-inspiring, powderkeg of a weekend, replete with racial tension, drunk-driving, and a surprise rendezvous with a certain girl.

At work on Saturday night, I was cleaned up and ready to leave at 9 p.m. My section was empty. I was hungry. I had very little money to show for that evening. Then, this bitch named Sharmika (I assume that was her name) called to warn us that a party of eight would be dining. Guess who had the only table to accommodate them? You guessed it. To make a long story short, only four of the eight showed up. I stayed for an extra hour and a half. They ordered a mere $50 in drinks and appetizers (actually, we call them "starters"). To show their gratitude, they left me a whopping $2 tip. $2. TWO...DOLLARS. I made more in minimum wage than I did on that table. I sincerely hate each of them, and I hope they all die in a car accident (EAT AT LUBY'S IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TIP, YOU CHEAP, UNEDUCATED THUGS).

But that's beside the point. What made the evening even better was when I found a $100 ticket on my car for an expired tag. Feeling my intense agony, my wonderful co-workers took me to TGI Fridays and purchased the following for me to consume on an empty stomach: 3 Long Island Iced Teas, 1 shot of Jaeger, 1 shot of Wild Turkey. Three hours later I woke up in my bathroom (I assume I drove home. We'll never know). I was completely covered in my own vomit.

I survived and the next morning went to church with Candice. As I was dropping her off, my cell phone rang. Marci. Holy shit. She and her mother ended up dining at Red Rock last night and left me a fat tip. After making a modest $100 in tips, I hauled ass to Logan County to pay a visit. She and I went to Flips, split a pizza, bottle of wine, and the best tiramisu I've ever had. We stayed up talking (and, well, talking) until 4 a.m. I finally returned home, slept for four hours, canceled a mandatory doctor's appointment and edited a research paper for Candice.

Tonight, tomorrow night and Wednesday night I am going out with Marci. Say all you want, but you know I'll remain as obliviously happy as ever.

Song of the Day
"My Favorite Mistake" by Sheryl Crow