Thoughts on the Oscars:

-Michael Moore is a blubbering idiot who should learn to present his didactic ideologies on his own time. The Academy Awards are about the politics of filmmaking, NOT the politics of war. To call this war "fictitious" is to belittle the efforts of the millions of men and women who are currently fighting to protect the freedoms that Moore seems to take for granted. I can't stand the pompous and irrevent chunder that erupts from the mouths of celebrities simply because they think they can turn anything into a personal forum. Smile, grab your Oscar, thank your producers and shut the fuck up.

-God bless Catherine Zeta-Jones. Unlike her Chicago co-star Renee Zellweger, whose face portrays a perpetual state of lemon-sucking, she wasn't afraid to perform "I Move On." And her speech was short. And her speech had absolutely nothing to do with the war.

-With Sean Connery's attire, Collin Farrell's indecipherable brogue and Julianne Moore's leprechaun frock, you'd think Hollywood was celebrating St. Patrick's Day.

-Adrien Brody deserves every accolade he received for The Pianist. And after his moving speech, I hope he wins an Oscar every year.

-Sharon Stone. Your sex-with-the-AOL-icon commercial officially welcomes you into the Trivial Pursuit category of Hollywood Has-Been. Welcome, they've been expecting you for quite some time.