I wish, I wish, I wish that something would happen...

Today I received a reminder notice that my high school is looking for an update on everyone in my class to publish in the next issue of the alumni magazine. Great. It's enough that my college peers have succeeded leaps and bounds beyond me with their journalism degrees. It only adds insult to injury to think of reading about my server status on the same page as the achievements of Harvard grads and newlyweds. I think I'll just decline to offer an update.

What depresses me the most about this is that five years ago, as a high school senior, I had grand plans for the future. I don't even remember what those were, but I know I felt confident in my ability to pursue them. I was involved in student council, track, debate, yearbook, lettermen's club, show choir and the community newspaper. I might have felt angst and eagerness to leave high school, but I never felt that I wasn't accomplishing something. Even in college, the fact that I was in classes gave me some sort of purpose. And now...I enter the phase of many 20-somethings known as "Purposelessness and the envy of those without it." Aside from my far-fetched dreams of stardom, I have no plans for the future. I don't know where I want to live, what I want to do, or when I want to make a decision. I just know that, as the cliche goes, life is passing me by.

Please don't offer me sympathy or assurances. And please don't look down on me for being so pitiful in a moment of weakness. I've felt this way before and I'll feel this way again. And I suppose it's all a part of growing older and wiser than the me of five years ago who wouldn't have cared.