We don't have French fries, you stupid bitch

Over the past few months, I've become increasingly aware of a disturbing work-related trend: I look forward to going. I still hate most of the people who eat there, but I simply love the other servers with whom I am enslaved. I can safely say I've never had so much fun in my life. Because most of the fun comes from bitching or making fun of people, I present to you a taste of the wit and wisdom of my co-workers and me. Here is a list of the best things I've heard (or said) at work:

Customer: You don't have mango juice? What kind of bar doesn't have mango juice?
Server: Maybe you should man-go somewhere that does.

Customer: Your chicken is hand-rubbed in 31 herbs and spices? Which 31 herbs and spices?
Server: Does this look like Baskin-Robbins? I'm not rattling off 31 flavors.

Server 1: (to hefty server): My God you're imbecilic.
Hefty Server:: Ooooh, imbecilic. You're using big words.
Server 1: Big words for a big guy.

After two customers have taken their food from their inside table and moved to an open, uncleaned patio table, which had a two-hour wait for seating
Server: I'm sorry, sir, but there's a wait for these tables
Customer: I already waited. I just moved tables.
Server: This isn't Luby's, sir, you can't just sit wherever you want.

Customer: What do you do for birthdays?
Server: Well, my friends usually take me out and get me drunk.

Customer: Hey, it's Mother's Day. I want you to do something special for my mom.
Server: I'll try to glare at her considerably less than the other 500 mothers whose sons have said the exact same thing.

Customer: We need an order of French fries for the little one.
Server: I'm sorry, ma'am, we don't have French fries.
Customer: Okay, then he'll just have a cheeseburger.
Server: I'm sorry, ma'am, we don't have cheeseburgers.
Customer: Well shit, every other restaurant is kid friendly but yours.
Server: Our restaurant is very kid friendly. We use kids in most of our dishes.

I'm sure after reading this you'd think we give horrible service, but we don't. We just know how to defend ourselves from the ignorant masses who have no idea how to politely dine while treating servers like human beings. These exchanges are in the minority, but they do highlight the reasons why I can't help but grin when I wake up and realize that I work later that evening.