Brittany Murphy, you are a coked-up waif

Although I saw it for free, I will never be reimbursed for the 90 minutes it took to watch Uptown Girls, a comedy-drama so creepy and vile that it makes Gigli look like Annie Hall. Just as a diet of bad foods will collect in your digestive system and form the most vile defacation to leave your bowels, so are the awkward, incoherent moments of Uptown Girls edited together to create a fecal nightmare.

Speaking of shit, Brittany Murphy should be shot. In 10 years, she has yet to appear in a remotely good movie (and no, Clueless and 8 Mile are not good movies). Her performance in Girls can only be described as bizarre and Razzy-worthy. Even Dakota Fanning, whose performance is the only highlight, is creepy. And then there's the subplot involving Egyptian cotton, but I'd rather slit my wrists than rehash it for the sake of criticism. Any of you who dare enjoy this movie are horrible, reprehensible people.

Now, on the flipside, I saw Spellbound yesterday, and I'm happy to report that it's one of the finest documentaries ever made. It made me long to enter a spelling bee. Better yet, it made me laugh. I just wish the producers of Uptown Girls could have spelled "failure" before concocting what is, peerlessly, the worst movie of 2003.

Song of the Day
"I Write the Book" by Patty Griffin