I feel like I'm taking crazy pills

Last night at work a threesome of over-the-hill women came to celebrate one of their birthdays. I had the pleasure of being their server on the patio. Don't ask me why, but they brought these obnoxious contraptions that, when popped, spray glitter and confetti all over a 10-foot radius. And the damn things are loud. So imagine you're at an expensive restaurant, enjoying the sunset and the jazz, and all the sudden some Amazon woman with white hair and black eyebrows yells "Happy birthday" and pops confetti all over your beef tenderloin. Worse than that, imagine trying to desperately leave work at midnight, only to try to sweep glitter that refuses to part from the floor.

In their defense, these women tipped about 50 per cent to make up for the mess. But come on...this isn't Chucky Cheese's. What kind of cheap hooker brings a confetti popper into an upscale restaurant? Why do you hate me, God?