It has been 24 years since my last confession

I hate to rip off a good idea. However, I also hate to miss the chance to partake in an idea so feverishly amusing. Therefore, so Lyndsay doesn't stand on her own as the only person capable of rattling off her evils, I offer my list of the most diabolical things I've done in 24 years.

1) In 5th grade, I tricked my best friend into prank calling his own mother and uttering a certain offensive slang for the female anatomy. He was forbidden from playing with me for three months.
2) In 7th grade, my friend and I both had three-way calling before the advent of caller ID. I'd call someone and she'd call someone and we'd remain silent, allowing the two people to engage in an awkward conversation.
3) During my freshman year of college, I knew that one of the guys on my floor had been messing around with someone else's girlfriend. Using his roommate's key, I unlocked the door during one of his private liaisons, turned on his lights and let the entire hallway see.
4) I hated a girl from high school so much that after she gave a horrible performance in the school's talent show, I called her constantly and held the phone up to the T.V. and played the clip of her singing.
5) While my sister was in the hospital, one of our family friends sent a card with $100 so that my parents could enjoy a night out. Because the card made no reference to the money, I stole it and bought James Bond videos.
6) At the restaurant, one of our to-go kids was busy with orders so I offered to take one out to a car. They left him a very generous cash tip and entrusted me to give it to him. I gave him $1.
7) In lower school, I made up a song about one of the...gifted students. The words went like this: "Allen the alien, coming about. When you see him, you're gonna shout. Instead of an nose, he's got a spout."
8) When I was eight, I spilled water all over my parent's carpet and told them the dying cocker spaniel had peed on it. They put her to sleep the next day.
9) I became irate at a certain college ex-roommate when I heard she had said some rather cruel (but admittedly harmless) things about me. I forwarded an old e-mail to her boyfriend in which she'd confessed to me her lack of guilt over her many acts of infidelity during the course of their relationship.
10) A co-worker told me that she'd forgotten her wine key, asked if she could borrow my extra and begged me not to tell management. Knowing that she was on thin ice, I promised to keep her secret. The next day she was fired for several reasons, among them the fact that I'd told on her for "constantly" borrowing my "only" wine key.

That's by no means exhaustive. But those 10 sure gave me a happy trip down memory line. Sigh.