When times weren't so good...

Today I found the cruelest trip down memory lane while cleaning out the game room video cabinet. I would love to erase the entirety of my life from 1991 to 1994 due to the rocky times my family encountered while my middle sister underwent brain surgery in California. She and my mom were alone for three months in Stanford while my dad, sister and I stayed in Oklahoma and lived a very quiet life in the most depressing house in which I've lived. To cheer up my sister, the three of us would periodically send videos, most of which focused on Bailey, our now departed black lab. Today I found one of those morose and cheerless tapes, and I watched the whole thing.

It took an Absolut on the rocks. And complete silence. The video was a horror show for several reasons. Despite the complete hopelessness of the circumstances, my dad put on a cheesy smile and spoke dog thoughts into the camera. I, a camera hog even at 12, jumped about and told Ashley of all my pointless 6th grade escapades. And my oldest sister forced a happy face, too. Regardless of our charades you could see the misery seeping from each of us. What little I remember from those years (before the surgery, the surgery, and the recovery period) involved making sure we looked happy. Once the doors were shut and the company was gone, however, we sat in silence. My parents fought. My oldest sister never came home from college. And aside from school, I was trapped in that hellhole far from my friend's houses.

Right after my freshman year of high school we moved into the house in which we currently reside. And although I didn't throw away that video today, I doubt anyone in my family will ever feel a need to watch it. I'd rather watch someone club a baby seal than relive any memory of that old house or the events that took place within.