Closer

In fewer than 48 hours I'll be traversing across I-40 to Los Angeles. And I'm surprisingly calm despite the fact that 1) I haven't even started packing 2) I've already said "goodbye" to a lot of dear friends and 3) my family is a nervous, sobbing wreck. I suppose that, because my move has been five years in the making, I'm ready. Or perhaps I'm in denial about really leaving.

I've already had a few "lasts." Sunday was my last day to attend my church, Tuesday my last house church small group, and last night my final shift at the restaurant. Perhaps the most bittersweet "last" was yesterday's trip to the zoo with my nephew and sister. Despite the beautiful weather, the zoo was empty, and the three of us were the only customers in sight. Watching Jack toddle around, smile, and point his finger at the array of simple sights that fascinate him is what I will miss the most. I've instructed my sister to show him my picture on a daily basis, but I'm still scared to leave him. Yesterday, as I got out of Marni's car, Jack started crying, "BYE...BYE!" Ugh! How do you leave that?

Anyway, it's happening. No more postponements. No more snags. No more "maybe later"s. I'm out of here. And instead of making this post sad, I'm going to give you my thoughts on American Idol season three.

- First of all, the producers are full of it. The first auditions were held in Los Angeles, then Houston, then New York City and Atlanta (followed by San Francisco and Honolulu).

- Perhaps only 13 people went on to Hollywood from Houston because the show has plunged to nothing more than a gimmick (it used to at least boast a modicum of talent but I have yet to see any...and if you mention Scooter Girl in my presence I'll shove her scooter up your ass). I know firsthand the overlooked talent that came to Houston. Myself included. No wonder Paula got sick.

- Speaking of Paula, I like her new attitude. I particularly enjoyed her dialogue with the "affected" girl ("Paula told me I was effective. That went right over my head"). EVERY girl at the American Idol auditions wants to be Kim Caldwell (and for what reason, I'll never know). Paula made a valid point. The contestant was fake, her voice put-on, and her look ripped off from 50 pop starlets.

- To the girl from Stillwater, OK, who sang At Last, I love you. You look like Lindsay Lohan. And you can sing. May you win the whole competition.

- I did make the show. You can clearly see Tricia and me in the audience doing the wave in Houston. And, yes, the storm really was that bad. Too bad it didn't take Ryan Seacrest with it.

- For having auditioned in two cities and having met hundreds of contestants, I never heard anyone as bad as Fooking. Coincidence? Or perhaps a talented actress paid by the producers to be that bad? I'll let you ponder that one.

- Paula was also mysteriously ill in Honolulu. Perhaps the bones popped out of her skin after she consumed her 200-calorie-per-day diet.

- Randy lost weight? Well it found its...weigh...back. Oh Lord.

- If seasons four, five and six are this boring and predictable, then I fear those three-year contracts were signed too soon.