No eye hath seen

In an effort to see my friends and family one last time before I move, I've made some rather appalling concessions to allow for quality time. One such evil was Tad Hamilton. My sister and I viewed a sneak preview of Win a Date with...!, thinking it would be a harmless, candy-coated romantic comedy. Truth be told, it's actually a highly effective form of torture in the deeper circles of Hell.

Over the years I've grown increasingly weary of the rom-com genre because viewings of such films are always accompanied by two things: 1) hopelessly romantic (and hopelessly single) girls of various states of attractiveness who, united, feel that "that movie was so me," thus meaning true love is just around the corner, and 2) disgusting couples who find the film a good excuse to fondle because it makes them feel warm and in love. However, I am consistently fooled into thinking that each new romantic comedy will be better than its prececessors. The trend is unanimously antithetical.

Tonight's adventure found us sitting next to a plump high schooler and her token musical-reciting gay friend. I listened, in horror, as they commented on each of the God-awful Coca Cola Goes to the Movies facts and trivia questions. When it was revealed that John Goodman voiced Baloo in the Disney Jungle Book sequel of last year, the guy said confidently, "Oh, how cool. John Goodman voiced Baloo in the original, too." Nice try, Topol, but the original came out in 1967.

Their nonsensical banter was only complemented by the predictable, hapless piece-of-shit posing as a film. Of course every time either of the male leads said anything remotely cute or posing as profound, the collective "awww" in the audience could have restored Helen Keller's hearing.

The only reason I was even tempted to see the film was because the IMDB reported that Paris Hilton had a cameo. I now see that falsehood for what it was -- a deliberate ploy from the PR people at DreamWorks to capitalize on the Simple Life fanfare by fibbing about a Hilton cameo. I'm so mad I could spit. A wasted evening...on Topher Grace!