American Idol uncovered

A few highlights from last night's American Idol experience:

- The artist formerly known as Paula Abdul called Camille "Carmen" and then tried to cover it up. As if viewers haven't already seen the parallels between Camille and Carmen Rasmussen. Camille is scary. When singing, she looks like someone below the camera's visibility is performing fellatio and she doesn't yet know if she likes it. Or something else that means she looks happy and ticklish at the same time. I don't know.

- Randy. dawg. dope. aight. your thang. We have successfully exercised Randy's entire vocabulary. Hopefully he will now be speechless.

- Wow, guest judges. It's nice to see Jacquee back in the spotlight after 227.

- Julie DeMato has appeared in the audience not once, not twice, but three times. Looks like hawking American Idol perfume isn't too time-consuming.

- Last night's show was really, really boring.

- Haha, Clare, you're right. The nickname Assorama is hilarious. I love it.

- There's Matt Rogers, thinking that if Jennifer Hudson's over-the-top performance results in an epileptic seizure, he'll be able to perform again. Vulture.

- Finally...even the guest judges can't hide behind their insincere kindness when John Stevens performs.

- I was looked over for Jon Peter Lewis?? Are you there, God?

- Next up on 24, a deadly virus is loose. It's called the William Hung phenomenon.