Idol chatter

To say that American Idol contestant Matthew Metzger was the most annoying person on television last night is to excel at understatement. Matthew Metzger is the most annoying person on television ever. If I see that forced, dopey, I'm-just-a-good-old-substitute-teacher-from-Ohio smile one more time, I'm going to eat razors. And Matthew...some actual talent to accompany your false modesty would be nice, thank you. I can't believe Lisa Leuschner was cut in favor of Metzger, Katie Webber and Jon Peter Lewis (I'm sorry, Clare, but his performance last night was something akin to a concentration camp talent show). If there's any justice in the world, the Wild Card finalists will be George Huff, Jennifer Hudson, Suzy Vulaca and Leah LaBelle (although I'm not wild about her, either). Knowing the powers-that-be at AI, I'm sure Metzger will be in the top 12. Hopefully America won't stand for his lack of singing ability and personality, and with any luck he'll be back home waiting for the call to teach Home Ec.

Speaking of reality television, I already miss Omarosa, and I haven't even seen the next episode of The Apprentice. Oh sure, you can tell me you're glad that the angry black stereotype is gone from the show, but with Heidi the trailer trash taking the reigns as queen bitch, the show won't be half as interesting. And until last week's episode, I didn't know there was a contestant named Kwame. Get some balls, dude. And will someone please tell Troy to drop the whole I'm-Matthew-McConaughey bit? His shit-eating grin is as calming as Matthew Metzger's.

So until reality televison strikes again, I'll be waiting in to bite back.