A trio of titillating entries

What better way to make up for a dearth of posting than three-posts-in-one? They even have their own subject headers. Life, she is a beautiful vessel.

They just keep getting crazier

Tonight, just when I thought we'd reached our limit on weirdos in my acting class, in came Ryan. The teacher told Ryan to repeat exactly what the teacher said (as a demonstration in listening). The teacher (Chris) said, "The sky is blue." Ryan started laughing. Ryan did not stop laughing. Then Ryan became really, really quiet. He turned his head toward the floor. He did not speak. After about a minute of silence, Chris asked, "What, are you on drugs?" Ryan replied, "I don't think this class is for me," and he walked out. The room was dead silent. Except for the not-so-muffled sound of my muffled laughter. What rare form of Hell is this, to see such comedic greatness yet be banned from laughing at it?

Two words: Tori Spelling

I won't bore you with my thoughts on the Oscars. I thought they were predictable. LOTR and Charlize Theron expectedly received their due. That said, I was incensed a day later while watching the aptly named On-Air with Ryan Seacrest. His guest...his post-Oscar expert...was O.C "star" Samaire Armstrong. Granted. I have never been bored or suicidal enough to sit through Fox's latest nighttime soap opera, nor would I have ever heard of or paid attention to someone as generic as Samaire. But the blasphemy, the hypocrisy, the evil that came out of her mouth brought me to my feet. When Ryan asked Samaire if she watched the Oscars, she said [something to the effect of], "No, I didn't watch the Oscars. I didn't see any of the films! If you want to get me to watch your show, then release better movies!" Release...better...movies. RIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT, because The O.C. is that celestial sacrament of film and television production in which acting, writing and directing blend harmoniously at their peaks to choirs of angels. Didn't watch the Oscars?? Yeah, I believe that. Listen, and harbor no delusions. There isn't a single actor in Los Angeles (ne, California) who doesn't watch the Oscars. Actors in New York or Chicago? Perhaps not. But L.A.?? Every actor who lives in this city lusts after Oscar like a 13-year-old boy in the girl's locker room at shower time. So, to Samaire, I say, "Shut the f*ck up," you talentless, oh-look-at-me-I'm-so-different, conforming-to-a-preconceived-notion-of-nonconformity, I-am-bound-for-Jennie-Garth-status, flash-in-the-pan-my-15-minutes-are-so-over, whiny carbon copy." Off to acting classes you go!

That said...

The whole "starving actor" thing is beginning to ring true. For the past three days, my diet has consisted entirely of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, egg whites, and caesar salad in a bag. If I ever get a (real) job and a paycheck, I'll be off to the grocery store. But until then, I am asking for your financial donations. Just send me money. Or pictures of steak, if you're really cruel. No, seriously, I have savings. It's just that, for the first time in my life, I'm....

....I'm....

...I'm trying not to spend money. Ouch!