Fired, walk with me

To bring you up-to-speed on my current job situation, I have left behind the restaurant in Burbank to work at a far more lucrative prospect in Brentwood. I am still employed by the sports club, as well.

The story is one that, unfortunately, doesn't portray me in such a positive light. You see, I accepted the job in Brentwood while still employed in Burbank without giving the latter what's appropriately titled, "two weeks notice."

This all came about on Sunday morning (truth be told, the night before). After a rousing, drunken Uno tournament on Saturday night, my friends convinced me to call in drunk on Sunday morning. I one-upped them. I called in quit, knowing I already had a replacement job lined up.

You see, my thankless ex-job often relegated me to the position of "host" as opposed to "server" because I was the new guy. And my Sunday morning shift -- at the cruel hour of 8 a.m., no less -- was as a host. So a few hours before that, I gave word that mine was the last smiling mug they'd see in their establishment.

In their defense, they treated me quite well, and when I hosted, I was allowed to read. Because I hosted during the slower times, I was basically paid to peruse my books. So you can imagine that my conscience wasn't entirely clear. Until this morning.

En route to my new and improved job, my cell phone rang with "Anonymous" on the caller ID. Because my headshots have been sent to a number of VIPs (read: USC graduate students), I answered eagerly, only to find my former employer on the other end. The conversation went as follows:

"Chase," she said. "Apparently you didn't show up for your shifts on Sunday or Monday."
"Uhmm...?" I replied.
"Well, we're going to have to let you go," she said.
I laughed. "No, I didn't not show up," I replied. "I quit."
"Oh. Well," she said, "you're supposed to allow the courtesy of two-weeks notice."
And with all the seriousness in the world she paused, then said, "And I'm sorry, but we'll still have to let you go. I'm sorry..."
Laughing, I replied, "Weeeeeeell, I still quit."
Silence.
"No, you're fired." And she hung up.

So depending whose side you take, I've now been fired from a respective four jobs. However, this woman is crazy (and wrong). Therefore, my impeccable, integrity-based work ethic still stands. I won, because I quit, and was not fired. If any potential employers read this post, and are interested in my resume and references, please e-mail me.