Hellbound

One of my favorite movies is Saved!, the Mandy Moore comedy that lambasts private Christian schools and the hypocrisy of the Jesus freak culture. While recently watching the movie, a question struck me: Am I really a Christian? I don't go to church, I don't pray unless I'm about to get a speeding ticket, and the only time I really call on God is to say His name in vain.

With few exceptions, I've lost touch with most of my Christian buddies from high school. And in college, I didn't have any Christian friends because my experiences with Campus Crusade and RUF at Mizzou left me quite bitter. So, aside from arbitrarily sharing the beliefs of my family (beliefs that I am beginning to question more and more), what's the point?

If there really is a Hell, I would have been condemned to it a long time ago; I don't think prayer works -- I think luck works; How can so many horrible people call themselves Christians while so many brilliant, beautiful, selfless people are allegedly "lost?" Instead of existing in its once pure context, Christianity has been converted into a high budget popcorn movie for the rich and pretty. The music is glossy, the hair is highlighted and the wealthy are worshipping. Nothing, apparently, is sacred to popcorn Christians.

So you'll excuse me if I don't beat myself up in the morning for not cracking open the word and trying for hours to speak to a God whom I have yet to idealize for myself. I'm tired of worshipping from the altar of my parents. If there is a higher power, I'm going to communicate with and feel it for myself, and certainly not in the company of a bunch of self-righteous, fairweather hypocrites who are just as hellbound as I am. Praise Jesus.