The Britney Bunch

I've been re-reading "In Cold Blood," one of the finest pieces of literature ever penned in America. However, my current schedule only allows me to read at night, which led me to think I'd have nightmares about being murdered (or, worse yet, living in Kansas).

Last night's dream/nightmare did not involve Perry, Dick, the Clutter family or Harper Lee. Instead, it was a surreal adventure into the combined world of Britney Spears and The Brady Bunch.

You see, I was so excited (in my dream) to be the proud owner of the non-existent Brady Bunch: Complete First Season on DVD. As soon as I opened the DVD case (which was, by the way, completely hand-drawn by the original Brady kids -- how clairvoyant they were in 1969 to anticipate a home DVD release), my doorbell rang.

At the front door was a very bubbly, very brunette Britney Spears. She knew about my recent babe-magnet purchase and wanted to share in the marvels of Marcia. As she plopped onto my lap, she told me she wanted to watch the episode in which Jan dies, because it inspired her to write "Everytime."

And you thought the song was about Justin Timberlake.