Poor Paula

Despite the damning evidence against Paula Abdul presented this evening by Primetime Live, I remain her unlikely supporter. Attribute this not only to my naive devotion to her, but to my disdain for Corey Clark as well.

Before I continue, let me state that Corey Clark is an inarticulate, opportunistic, ignorant, reprehensible, ghetto piece of filth who would have served a more fulfilling purpose had his white trash mother had an abortion when she learned she was expecting such vile scum in her infested womb. If I were able to kill two people in the name of humanity, Corey Clark would be at the top of the list (right behind Sadaam). What a sad reflection on ABC when they uphold the word of a person who admittedly lied about beating the shit out of his sister. And he has the nerve to question the character of Paula Abdul?

Truthfully, I can't defend Paula. Her behavior is a slap in the face to all the contestants of American Idol. Had the subject of her drug-addled amour been someone more respectable (like Satan), I would have no pity. However, because of my longstanding disdain for Corey Clark, I am forced to come to her defense. After all, Corey Clarke is the lowest form of life. The convenient timing of his "cleansing" confession (which he swears has nothing to do with his upcoming album) is such a typical F-list celebrity stunt that even Paris Hilton and Monica Blewinski look like Mary Magdalene in comparison. The world would be a better place if Corey Clark died in a bad-singing accident.

Perhaps I am being too harsh. Chalk that up to three martinis during Primetime Live. The truth is that I am deeply in love with Paula Abdul. To watch someone so disgusting kick her while she's down is a slap in the face to Skat Cat and all that is sacred in the world of 1988. Corey Clark, I hope you and your greasy corn rows burn in Hell!