Publicity displays of affection

If any of you believe that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are truly in love, then I question your perspective of reality. Think about it. Tom is trying to reach a younger audience. Katie needs the attention to guarantee her place in future blockbusters (assuming Batman Begins makes big bucks). Tom doesn't want anyone to know he's gay. Katie needs a boyfriend who won't infringe upon her recently discovered virginity. Everything adds up except the disarming lack of chemistry.

When Tom forces his lips in Katie's direction, she reacts with all the ecstatic gusto of a high schooler whose geometry teacher has tried to slip her the tongue on prom night. I've seen extras on Charlie's Angels episodes emote with more conviction.

And then there's the performance on Oprah. Poor Tom was unaware that his heterosexual acrobatics could never qualify for Oscar contention. But at least the dip-shit audience cheered like pixies when Tom said, "I'm in love!!" And Tom looked so proud, like a well-trained labrador who's learned not to shit in the dining room.

This patronizing publicity stunt is centered on the charade that Tom Cruise is in love. That we know. However, his camp is asking far too much for the public to believe that Tom Cruise is in love with someone besides himself.