Pumping a dry well

The most frustrating trend in L.A. is not the Kabbalah. Nor is it the grungy trucker look. No, the most upsetting and disturbing fad is sobriety. Whether they're reformed alcoholics or carb-conscious sobrietists, the people of L.A. are becoming dryer than the Oklahoma Christian School senior prom.

And I won't stand for it. I can't even convince my fellow servers at the restaurant to drink with me after work. So what if liquor prices continue to sky rocket? That's what tips are for! And my actor friends don't seem to want to drink anymore, either.

As a proud Okie raised on the miraculous medicine of a whiskey shot for a common cold, I feel deprived of that special bond many people enjoy when sharing the beauty of a bottle. Liquor brings us together. How else could you explain those post-happy hour fuzzies that seem to result in "Oh shit" the next morning?

Drinkers of Los Angeles, we must find one another and save our lost brethren. Reclaim that glorious buzz now before everyone jumps on the bandwagon...a wagon I love to fall off.