You stupid celebrity, volume 1

- Sienna Miller is "shocked" that Jude Law cheated on her. Why? After all, Sienna and Jude started fucking while Jude was still married to Sadie Frost. Yeah, didn't see that coming Sienna. The world's as bloody shocked as you are.

- A Superior Court judge ruled that Courtney Love is "progressing well" after battling a drug addiction. Even though Love was absent from her Los Angeles court appointment on Friday, all present had nothing but nice things to say about the star, adding that "We expect her to abstain from drugs until she gets high again."

- Eva Longoria is quick to point out that she never expected an Emmy nomination for "Desperate Housewives." Most of Hollywood is in agreement with her, partially because Emmys are rarely given out to hot women who can't act.

- Jane Seymore says baring her breasts in Wedding Crashers wasn't difficult because it was "such a great project." Showing her titties also gave her the chance to actually work instead of watching old "Dr. Quinn" reruns.

- Jessica Simpson says that she expects people to realize she's a talented actress after seeing The Dukes of Hazzard. What Jessica failed to mention is that those likely to be impressed with her thespian skills are either younger than 13 or completely blind and deaf.