Will the bitch ever just drop dead?

I hate that Proactive-peddling bitch Jessica Simpson. And I abhor movie remakes, especially of classic TV shows. So imagine my glee when I found these excerpts from Dukes of Hazzard reviews:

"Burt Reynolds fired his agent after Boogie Nights. If he has a lick of sense in his head, he'll kill his agent after Dukes of Hazzard." - Devin Faraci, Chud

"Prepare to witness an amazing feat of filmmaking: Shocked and delighted you will be to see real Hollywood actors and real musicians outperformed by your favorite inanimate objects!" - Peter L'Official, Village Voice

"Jessica Simpson is a cum-guzzling Christian whore with the personality of a poster board and the acting range of my friend's retarded sister. I hope she loses her ability to excrete fecal waste so that she becomes literally as well as figuratively full of shit." - Me