Back to bad

After a whirlwind OKC tour, I'm back, mostly unemployed, and ready to sell my body.

Oklahoma was nice. Due to a widespread epidemic of food poisoning, my family and I were quarantined. We made the most of our time together. I even saw Rumor Has It, which, as the rumors say, is a bad movie. I have recent pics of the niece and nephew, which I'll share despite your cries of "Enough!"

I returned to my sole job, the part time gig at the health club. In an effort to make money, I worked from 11 a.m to 11 p.m. yesterday. I was in a bad mood by the time the night was over. And it showed, particularly with one unlucky asshole.

As he entered the club, he didn't have his membership card. When a member comes in without the card, we have to look up the account on our ancient computer. This is an annoying, time-consuming process. So while I watched the hourglass icon move slowly on the computer screen, this man snorted, "I'm late for my training appointment. Just look me up after my work out."

I explained that people check in before their work out, not after. He told me to hurry up and asked why such a "slow" employee was working during peak hours. I told him to bring his card like every other member if he was in such a rush. He stormed off without waiting for me to check him in. He also left his parking validation ticket.

In LA, pretty much every place you go requires validated parking. Because parking lots charge astronomical rates, validation from the store, restaurant or other place of business is the only way to come away with free parking. Tickets are generally irreplaceable

So I threw this man's parking validation in the trash. After his workout, two hours later, he asked if I'd seen his validation tickets.

I said no.

He asked if I could replace his parking validation. I joyfully informed him that I couldn't. He asked me what the building's non-validated rates were. When I told him that standard rates are roughly $10 per hour, you could see the realization in his eyes. He knew I'd won, and that was all I needed to make my 2005 complete.

Wishing you and yours an equally spiteful new year!