Officially Californian

I've had my California driver's license for many months now. However, it wasn't until I completed the master cleanse and started doing all my grocery shopping at Whole Foods that I truly felt like a resident of California. Gone are the days of donuts and Lucky Charms for breakfast. Now it's a diet of (organic) grapefruit, (organic) granola and (organic) bran cereal with (organic) non-fat milk to start the (organic) day. My God, never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd grow up to be that guy.

I've started wearing sandals everywhere, and I don't really "style" my hair. I wear T-shirts and jeans, and I shave once a week. I must say that although this lifestyle used to seem conventional, cliched and boring, it's made life incredibly simple. I now work out to be healthy, not to impress people. I'm happier, but only inwardly (my new diet and way of living have afforded me the luxury of hanging on to my cynicism and sarcasm without compromising this subtle but fulfilling peace).

And I've almost shared my deepest, darkest secret with my parents. Though I think my dad suspects, and even though I've made no formal announcement to anyone, I'd say it's pretty obvious that I'm a democrat. And I can't for the life of me stand George W.

Thank you, master cleanse, for clearing out the toxins and residual Republican tendencies.