Getting fired left and right

No, I did not get fired from my other job.

But I came dangerously...dangerously close last night when my frequently displayed foul mood reared its ugly head.

You see, this hasn't exactly been a banner week for me, what with the whole tire/hangover incident and getting fired from my job. So last night, in the heat of a busy night at the restaurant, I had the added burden of training a new server. New servers are like freshmen. We've all been there before, yet we all view them with such eye-rolling contempt.

My trainee, a paradoxical blend of Texas hick and West Hollywood queen, wrote the manual on idiocy. Between running the wrong drinks to the wrong tables and asking me "Can I take my break?" when we're on an hour wait and I've just been quadruple sat, I'm amazed he was able walk and talk concurrently.

And every single phrase out of his mouth was prefaced with "Duh, uh..."

Back to my frequent bad mood...it's long been a form of amusement for me ever since I sat in Mrs. Lewis' class in high school and felt the horns popping out of my head. As if Dr. Jekyl has come out to play, I watch as my usually pleasant demeanor gives way to the beast.

My trainee had the most unbelievably annoying habbit of tapping me on the shoulder when he needed something. I explained to him that my parents did not spend months in 1979 debating on names just so I could feel the prodding tap tap tap of his big, stupid index finger.

At 9 p.m., while I was in the thick of it, the hostess sat the faces of evil in my section. The faces of evil are composed of two Persians who've never met a smile they couldn't turn into shit. They smell fear and happiness and foster the former and kill the latter. I was in no mood to deal with them, so I sent "Duh, uh" to retrieve their complicated drink orders.

And then, while I was entering an order into the computer, I felt the tap.

"CAN YOU PLEEEEEASE GIVE ME ONE FUCKING MINUTE??" I asked.

"Excuuuuuuse me?" said the female face of evil.

Remember that feeling from childhood when you'd been caught lying or stealing something? This felt much, much worse than that.

I proceeded to apologize profusely and explain that I thought my trainee was tapping me on the shoulder, not a much-valued customer such as herself.

Then she laughed. She laughed with a cackle I haven't heard since Bette Davis coughed her way to an Oscar.

"You have to train that fucking moron?" she asked.

"...Yeah" I said with a nervous smile.

"I was just about to complain about him. He brought out our check, and we haven't even ordered yet!"

I explained that I would actually be her server. And though the faces of evil still tipped only 10%, we became friends.

My poor trainee, on the other hand, had apparently messed up one too many times. The manager fired him at the end of the shift. And in light of what happened to me on Wednesday, I can't help but think...

"Better him than me."