Red lobster

I am pale for a reason. After countless years of trying to get a tan (and succeeding), I've joined an industry where age is everything. So in an effort to perpetually remain 23ish, I gave up the sun about a year ago.

Unfortunately, I had an itch for a tan during the three-day weekend, and decided to catch a base tan on Sunday. I covered my face in SPF 45 like a smart boy would. However, because I still had a wee bit of a tan from last summer (and, moreover, because I am stupid), I put absolutely nothing on my body. In my defense, I only planned to stay poolside for less than 30 minutes.

Then I fell asleep.

One hour later, I woke up with my face shaded by the whatever tree that grows in our apartment complex. So now I look like the newest of the X-Men. My face and neck are pale, but from that point down I am red. Not pink. Red.

And believe me, it hurts. And it only increased in pain yesterday as I hosted a pool party and was relegated in my T-shirt to the shade like the little fat kid who doesn't want to join the swim party. Drinking Corona was my consolation prize.

So I hope you all had a happy fucking Memorial Day.