Bad to the bone, part 2

A bad TV show isn't easy to define. With few exceptions, very few shows are bad from start to finish. And unlike song and film, critics rarely inundate society with "best of" lists.

That said, my pop culture taste buds are developed enough to know which shows challenge and nurture, and which are the emotional and intellectual equivalent of a Krispy Kreme. So let the celebration of the tacky and trite begin!

THE FIVE WORST TV SHOWS THAT I LOVE

1. Gilligan's Island, 1964-1967
Perhaps the presence of Lost has soured my appreciation for lesser stranded-on-an-island offerings. The years have not been kind to Gilligan, as the show is monumentally stupid. The usual questions remain. Why would people pack so heavily for a three-hour tour? If the professor can build a professional stage and light system for Ginger, why can't he build a damn raft? If Gilligan is really that stupid, why is he not sacrificed and used as dinner meat? Still, the show has its patent Sherwood Schwartz mark of banal but charming comedy (think Marcia Brady). And try as I might, I can't decide between Ginger and Mary Ann.

2. Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp, 1970
In the late 80s, Nick at Nite resurrected this seminal simian show from ABC's Saturday morning lineup of 1971. The premise? Live-action chimpanzees with badly dubbed voices participate in the world of espionage a la James Bond and Get Smart. The early 70s was a poor time to capitalize on this bygone trend, and the show quickly becomes creepy where it should have been cute (especially the monkey robots, those scared the shit out of me). All that said, you have to admire the show's creators for infusing it with between-acts pop music and a levity that would invite children. People who smoked pot and watched the show, however, were in for some night terrors.

3. Rags to Riches, 1987-1988
Five orphans in the 60s break into song and dance renditions of modern pop hits to convey their emotions? Solid gold idea. Late 80s bad acting and cliched dialogue abound in this all but forgotten NBC 1.5 season wonder. And thanks to copyright laws, the show will never see the light of day again in syndication or on DVD. Pity, because flaws aside, the show is a fascinating look at a high concept idea that never quite took off. And blonde Bridget Michele, wherever you are, I'm still in love with you.

4. Sister Kate, 1989-1990
Only a show about a nun with a theme song by Amy Grant could give Jason Priestly his introduction to prime time TV. Add a motley assortment of orphans in a home run by a sarcastic nun (Stephanie Beechum), and you've got an idea hellbound for no more than one season. That the show found a life in syndication is impressive considering its limited number of episodes. And knock its premise all you want, but Sister Kate's one-liners and facial expressions were some of the funniest to come from TV in the 80s.

5. Saved by the Bell, 1989-1993
Don't tar and feather me. I love the show just as much as you do (if not more, considering I've met four of its cast members). But let's face it. SBTB was bad TV. The wooden acting (thanks, Mario Lopez), the ridiculous plot points (Principal Belding moves in with student Zack after a fight with his wife), the hair (thanks, Mario Lopez), the fact that NO ONE except Bayside students patroned The Max...Come on, people. You know it was bad. And I think that's why you watch.